A cheese with extra cheese

Now I'm in my dream university and in my dream major. BUT, I wish I could go back to that moment in high school again. I didn't notice it before, but yes, high school is the best. The thing that sucks in high school is that we have to attend it from 7-3 and it has a lot of subjects but beside of that, everything is just fine.

Tbh, it's my friends that I miss the most. Between the hardest time, they're always there. Like when we're about to face national exam, SNMPTN and all those jazz that keep buzzing my head since the first day in high school, I mean, without them I might need to visit therapist.

I remember it, crystal clear, how I walk through the front gate of my high school building, scan my finger print, and walk straight to my class. There, if it's not one of those hectic days, my friends will be sitting there gossiping or fangirling and I'll join them until the rest of my friends come. The thing is, I felt like they're my second home you know? Home is not a building, it's the feels. They simply gave me the feels. Comfort, secure, I'm who I am when I'm with them. I don't need to act to be normal or nice or fun. My craziness seems normal to them, my mean sarcastic cynical behavior is fine with them and they found me funny and I don't even need to work on that. What makes them more special is the fact that they made me a better version of myself. Not someone else but myself, only a little bit better. I haven't found someone quite like them in uni, tho. I hope I'll find one soon enough. And that's exactly what makes uni life feels more tiring.

I can only see my family in weekend, I haven't find a friend quite like my best friends in high school, actually I feel kinda lonely. I kinda need a little support, no, actually I need a daily support just like back then when I was in high school (how my friends support me everyday, not by words of wisdom but simply stay by my side, brighter my day with laughter). Not being able to see my parents in days totally breaks me. I always consider myself as family-oriented that's why being away from my family sucks. My eyes easily got wet whenever I see a women or a man that reminds me of my parents because I miss them like crazy. I totally believe that we can't live by only ourselves. More specifically we need those precious people.

I'm not a romantic kind of person. I'm not one of those teens who are into 'romance' so much. Of course, I've had a crush on someone but it was just a crush, but that wasn't love. You know what's love? Love is the feeling that I have for those people I mentioned above. How do I know it? It's easy to know that you truly love someone if you're a self-centered b*tch like me. Why? Because if I don't really care about them, I will not do anything that bother me to help them. But for these guys, I will. 

Miss You Already!

Ramadhan always left me hanging. Seriously, I might not feel that right in Eid Mubarak, but days after that. Especially, when I got home after 'mudik'. Now, like 2 weeks after Eid, it started to broke me (lebay).

Seriously, I'm not going to write it if it's just a small thing. I need to let it out after all.

I think, this year Ramadhan rocks. Yeah, I've already got accepted to my dream university, University of Indonesia. It's not just that, I got accepted to the major that I've always wanted and of course it feels like a miracle and I'm so thankful, Alhamdulillah:) This year, there is a new mosque near my house, it also helped me a lot. No dramas (Well, there IS drama, but I couldn't careless), because I didn't need  to go to school. It just me, the sims 3, my laptop, wattpad, books, and movies. As beautiful as it sounds.

Then, mudik. It was like the climax of every Ramadhan. This year, my family chose to use north route, because my dad heard stuff about it and he thought that we might need to try it out. It turned out to be so good, I mean we should've used this route before. It got less traffic than in south route, it even got shorter distance to my grandpa's house. We rested at Semarang, and the hotel was a little bit scary, but that's okay because nothing actually happens. After that it only took like 4-5 hours for us to get to Wonogiri, a city where my grandpa lives.

I stayed at my aunt's house, with my family and cousins. We travel a lot and it's totally memorable, we took a lot of pictures too;) and in night we watched movies, sometimes horror. What I remember is after I watched Insidious 3, I didn't even get paranoid. It's not scary at all, but Annabelle is a totally different case. Oh, and there is my niece who is only 3 and she's so cute that I miss her so much! There is one of my cousins who love to sing so much (uh, more like screaming) that it hurts my ear. The other cousins of mine also celebrate her birthday there and we threw her with flour and eggs and eat yellow rice together after that. We - the young Subrotos - ate instant noodle a lot, it was like our favorite food and we ate it fresh in the pan.

The thing is, it's not just my cousins that I miss so that every year mudik is like the thing that I really wanted. I miss ramadhan, how everyday I wish the clock go faster to hit 6. I miss watching Return of Superman to kill time, I miss watching youtube video on how to do stuff in photoshop;p, I miss playing the sims 3 to kill time, I miss helping my dad installing Autocad Civil 3D, I miss going tarawih which is funny because back then I always felt kinda lazy, but it has perks like I got to see beautiful moon;)

I MISS RAMADHAN I MISS EID MUBARAK I MISS MUDIK I MISS THOSE TIME 

Ranting

Before you started to read this post, I warn you: this post is a little bit controversial. That's why if you're close-minded, easily offended or annoyed, you SHOULD NOT  read this post. Consider yourself warned.

I have a branched mind lately, and I need to let go the one which is not so important--to keep me sane. I chose to write it down on my blog because it allow to write more words than any other social media and more private--you can't read this post and just confront me if you don't admit that you open my blog by your own initiative. You might ask, then why didn't you write on a diary or something? Because I need to share it somehow, I want someone to actually read it even someone who has nothing to do with my problem. It's not going to be vivid, but if you look closer or you actually know the problem you'll get poked inside, because some things is obvious.

You know the word 'mainstream' is overused these days? There is something called bandwagon, and  MOST people loves it. But, there is also this bunch of people who hates something that other people like and it's automatically make them 'anti-mainstream'. 

HA. This is the funniest part.

Ironically, being anti-mainstream is become a bandwagon. That's the reason why you can see a lot of hipster posts on tumblr or weheartit or whatsoever social media with girls in messy bun drinking Starbucks. Anti-mainstream is another mainstream. Now, what the hell is the connection between this nonsense talks about mainstream with my problem?

I got nothing against anti-mainstream, seriously. So, when bunch of people loves this British boy band, I don't like them. That's enough to make me a little anti-mainstream right? 

The problem is this: is something that's mainstream always good? (Because everybody loves it), but then being mainstream seems like a bad thing (since the anti-mainstream becomes mainstream), so is it really that bad? 

Things are turn upside down because people changes their perspective. The thing is, they stuck on the label. At first, being mainstream is a good thing, people loved it, but come the anti-mainstream and everybody labeled it as a bad thing. Time passed, then they tried to be more open-minded and see things in different point of view, so they decided that anti-mainstream is not bad, being mainstream and be the same is boring and, as you might guess, they labeled it as a bad thing.

So what will happen? Whenever they see something mainstream they'll say that it is a bad thing, while whenever that see an anti-mainstream things they'll say it is a good thing.

Did you get it? If not, I'll go with another example. 

If there is a conflict between a rich guy and a poor man, what will people impulsively conclude? Yes, the rich man is the one who is wrong. Why? Because rich guys usually do bad thing, don't them? So people conclude things like that with no evidence. Because such a theory exists. 

Please note the sarcasm in the next 2 example:)

If there is an accident between a car rider and pedestrian, what will people recklessly conclude? Yes the car rider is guilty. Why? Because the pedestrian couldn't passed across the road carelessly even though there is car with high speed running over him DUH. 

If there is a problem between the majorities and the minorities? Who is the guilty one? Obviously the majorities because they always step on minorities, aren't they?

What I want to say is such a theory is a HUGE MISTAKE. You CAN'T jump into conclusions based on those nonsense label. You CAN'T judge the one who is right by only knowing one side of the story. You CAN'T just accepted a lie and claim that someone is right just because you adore them, like them, are a fan of them, are a best friend of them, or are a family of them. Truths are exact and objective to everyone.

What will happen after people poorly judge them as bad/guilty? Everything they do is wrong. But, when the 'right' one did the exact same thing, people will give them 1000 excuses. Yeah, what a fair world we lived in.

Truths are exact, that's why you can't be 100% right in a conflict, even if you're not the one who catch the fire, you always take part on making things worse. I know that, it's just the way people react bother me and I just want to tell them my opinions about it. No matter if someone is rich or poor, if they're pedestrians or car rider, if they're majorities or minorities, you can't conclude things just by those names. You don't know the whole story so don't act up like a hero trying to save the day (when what you did was just supporting your fave side). You'll end up like an annoying dummy just saying. Oh, and don't act up like you're neutral because God knows you're not.

Ah, I've never written such a serious post:)

Well, idk

I'll have my TO on Monday, so I don't think it's wise enough to share my thoughts but I've been learning chemistry this afternoon and I feel that if I don't take a break immediately my head will explode. No, I'm not exaggerating. Thank you.

So, I've been on wattpad for couple months and have read some stories on it, and up until last week not a single story get me like 'yeah!'. I mean I read this story about stereotypes and it's kinda good but it contain a lot of swearing and I, as eastern people, found it a bit distracting. Like you can find the 'f ' word in every paragraph though it was major funny (Not to mention the way the author pointed how she like to use the 'f' word as often as teenage girl use the word 'like' and it's kinda accurate since my favorite word is 'kinda' and 'like')

Oh then, just a week ago I gave a shot on a story (which selected by the Duff movie just like the stereotypes one) and it is SUPER GOOD. I mean, I really have a crush on the male character named LUKE ARCHER. If only you knew he's a hottie. So I keep on reading it from prologue to the last chapter (well, the last chapter updated) and I feel this feeling like I have a hole in my heart or something because oh bye Luke Archer and no again, I'm not exaggerating. Now that I found out that it has been #1 on teen fiction it's not surprises me even a bit. I love the classic storyline about high school, and even though I can't describe the differences between cliche and classic story in words. I just can tell which story is classic and which story is cliche, because the sign is pretty clear--I'll get disgusted eventually.

Talking about disgusted, there are stories that I think was good enough if they just change it a little. Like if you ever watched a Korean drama titled 'High School Love On' (To be honest, I think it doesn't come out with a good title. I mean, I can tell that they were referring about high school love life, but it just kinda shallow in my opinion. If they come out with more creative name it will be even better). In the early episode you'll definitely love this drama because though it was consider as teen drama, but there are just less drama. The main character Seul Bi is just so cute, she really make it obvious to everyone that she's not a human and I love how she keeps on making drama references. The friendship between Woo Hyun and Seoung Yeol is unbelievably cute too! But the conflict(s) started to ruin everything.

I don't know, but is love triangle kind of a must in Korean Drama? No offense, It's not like  I'm an expert at Korean drama but I've watched several drama and can't even mention one without love triangle in it. Dream high? Playful kiss? My love from the stars? To the beautiful you? Birth of beauty (well, it's not so love triangle. More like love square or something)? Pinocchio? The Heirs? And since we were talking about High School Love On, then yes. I'm not an anti-love triangle, sometimes I do like it because sometimes it's just cute but ya know people will get bored eventually like 'here you go love triangle'. And why did this love triangle in this drama bother me? Because I definitely had a crush on Seong Yeol (yea I had a crush on fictional characters a lot, sue me) and the director/scriptwriter of this drama kinda trying too hard to make people hate him. I mean Seong Yeol is perfect please don't make him a doucheball because of the love triangle and please don't ruin Woo Hyun and Seong Yeol's cute friendship over a love triangle. And how people in the drama seems to feel victimized by Seong Yeol. It also started to be more cheesy and crybaby in the end to my disappointment.

Okay that was just out of topic, and I'm sorry for all the fan of High School Love On it just one of my not-so-important-opinion :p and it's not like I don't like Korean Drama, in fact I love it :p

Back to the topic, I actually have some projects, um, 3 projects. Have I told you that I actually enjoy writing? But not as much as I enjoy reading. I love writing because I like to you know share my opinions and things. I love reading because it's such a great escape from reality. I know that's not healthy. But seriously I've spent my 2 weeks holiday by only reading books and my friends thought I'm miserable because I stayed at home for 2 weeks but in fact I feel like I wasn't at home at all and it was just fantastic B)

Nah, I'm out of topic again.

So this 3 project I was 'working' has to be suspended since you know UN, TO (oh, it's on monday btw), PTN (wish me luck!). Okay it just so you know how terrified I am, just by typing the word 'PTN' I got some chill in my nerve. Now my hope is simple, accepted in PTN by SNMPTN so that I have times for my projects. And yeah, I don't have any appetite left to write another thing because I'm terrified and maybe I should log out and start studying for TO since I'm not really make a great move. So... :')

Bismillahirahmanirahim:)

explosion of feels!

Have you ever felt that? because YES I HAVE.

Jadi kira-kira beberapa hari lalu gua baru beresin Blood of Olympus, oke itu emang telat banget but I couldn't help it I'm so busyyyyy--never mind. Nah terus........ di akhir, gua ngerasa bingung sama apa yang gua rasain. It's like a combination of excitement, happiness, sadness, it just... I can't describe it with words!! I feel happy because it has a happy ending--with a little cliffhanger actually ya know Leo, I feel excitement because oh my otp(s) finally reach happy ending!! But then I feel sad like REALLY sad because it was like, that is, that is the last one EVER. No more the 7. No more funny Leo-Percy being unbelievable attractive, no more hottie like Jason, no more cutie like Frank, no more, just seruously folks, NO MORE. And it make me sad because like I said, explosion of feels that feels like something just explode (obviously) inside your body that damage every single atom that build me.... (okay maybe it is just too much sorry)

Here is my confession: ya, I'm so overacting over everything. When I feel excitement I overacting, when I feel sad I overacting, when I feel anxious I overacting, when I feel happy I overacting and this is just who I am so deal with it (sound harsh but true, just get a bit sensitive, again, sorry)

And here is thing between me being so overacting and my obsession of stories. Like every kind of stories. Stories I get from friends when we were hanging out, stories I saw on internet, stories in books like novel/manga, stories in movie/drama/anime, even stories about Prophet that used to be told by my (what is 'guru ngaji' in english?")

I liked it, like it IS my passion ever since I was a little kid. I used to, you know, do some storytelling to my parents and my cousins. I like anime and manga since I was kid and a bit (okay a lot, okay major) interested in drawing. I like novels and movies, and lately I found out that I like drama too (with less cheesy and cliche drama) for example: Pinocchio (It is so far so good, and it is a total recommended). And since it is like my passion or something I often overact it. Like it's over it makes me sad (well, especially novels with series) like when I finished reading The Maze Runner Trilogy I definitely will miss Minho (He's my favorite character in the series). Like when I finished it, they're just gone and leave a permanent hole in my heart which only can be healed if I found another attractive characters in other series :')

Okay it is totally useless and random post so..........................................................sorry